Korifaeus Magazine

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The Deflated-Balls Conspiracy

Monday Morning Quarterbacking
By Korifaeus


When first hearing about ” deflated Balls”, in all seriousness i was not aware it was about football nor the specifics about the Patriot’s win leading them to go to the Superbowl – instead i thought, ” Not surprised”, and that it was no news to me at all as most every grown up woman of the United States. Balls appeared to’ve become deflated for some time now, which i attributed to the general decrease in masculine deep voices, which corresponds to balls, as in the testicles.

When i grew up men had low voices, which distinguished them audibly from women, who had higher voices. As an adult i quickly realized the relation between the size of the testicles of a man and his voice = the bigger the testicles the lower the voice. Another thing i came to realize was where the phrase ” big balls”, as in ” he has a lot of balls” ( he is very courageous) comes from = from the size of a man’s testicles. The bigger the balls the more courage = a go getter.

That there appears to be a deflation in balls – or shrinkage in testicles, if you will – in the U.S. is no surprise due to the incredible amount of erectile dysfunction commercials on American T.V., from Viagra to Cialis. After all, it’s usually related to insufficient testosterone, with testosterone related to the size of the testicles, which further relates to the voice. Is there anything more sexually enticing to a woman than a Castrato choir, or an Eunuch serving tea ?

Eventually i learned what the deflated balls were in actuality about, and that made me truly question where America’s common sense has gone ? I remember growing up and playing with balls – soccer balls, basketballs, etc – they would deflate after having played with them extensively. Afterward they were pumped up again with a hand pump, otherwise they would not be able to bounce, and most certainly not fly well.

The less air in a ball, the lesser it bounces and little it flies.
The more air in a ball, the higher it bounces in the air and the further it flies.
Deflating balls on purpose, would that not be terribly counter-productive ?

Thus since the whole thing made no sense at all, i figure the deflating balls conspiracy was a way of making America in sportsman terms aware of the fact that Testicles have been shrinking in recent years. Should we be hearing that small balls have gone missing, it could translate to a lot of folks are losing their marbles.

Btw, Serena Williams just won the Australian open. Let’s hope no one accuses her of having her racquet strung too loosely.

Ps: Having said all that, i wonder if this years Superbowl would have received the ratings it got, which were the highest ever ratings in the history of the Super Bowl, if it wasn’t for the deflated ball conspiracy.


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