Korifaeus Magazine

••• The Big Brother's, oops, i mean Apple's Gazette ••• A Sophisticated Periodical with Panache and a Sense of Humor

Rudolph the red-nosed Reindeer Conspiracy

By Korifaeus

A couple of years ago i published a little essay about something that occurred to me after reading an article about reindeer. To be specific i believed i discovered a possible truth about Rudolph the red nose Reindeer, leading me to believe there’s a conspiracy of sort going on. The conspirators being Santa and Rudolph.

As we all know Santa has the fastest sled that ever was; it’s as fast as a comet, flying in the speed of light. The reason the sled is so fast is because it’s pulled by 9 reindeer.
But what, one might wonder, behooves reindeer to be able to run THAT fast ?

The 8 reindeer….. Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, all follow the lead of number 9, Rudolph, whose nose is glowing red and said to light the way. But why is Rudolph’s nose glowing red ?

According to the article in the nature magazine i’d read, the nose of “female” reindeer in “heat” glow red to attract the males.

Thus it’s not improbable to assume that Rudolph, the red-nose Reindeer, is in actuality a female Reindeer in heat. Santa knows that and put Rudolph up front so all the male Reindeers run AFTER Rudolph, Rudolph being in actuality a female in heat. They run as fast as they possibly can, trying to get to the female in heat, but won’t ever get to her, since they’re all strapped to a harness. They run and run and no matter how fast they run, they can never get closer to the red-nosed one. Instead they run SO fast that they end up flying… in the speed of light.

Just thought ye all oughta know what’s going on, and that we’ve all been fooled by Santa, made to believe Rudolph is a male.

Oh, she knows, i’m sure, ” Rudolpha” with the red nose like a clown knows. They’re both in on it , she and Santa, playing a prank on all of us. It’s a Christmas Conspiracy, alright.

Merry Christmas 😉




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