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Untying the uptight
Aside from being an egomaniacal narcissist i’m also a voyeur – big time – i like to watch people – observe behaviors, especially behavior patterns and actions inspiring me to make sense of because at first glance i can’t – not spontaneously – thus take my time because different personalities, characteristics, behaviors are intriguing to me.
Though there are some behaviors that are less than inspiring, loud folks for example, or vulgarians, as well as angry people born with the angry gene; i’ve never felt intrigued to watch them to ponder why they behave that way.
Different however are some homeless folks, or eccentrics ( as opposed to neurotics which are most often nerds and nerds are annoying) the ones who talk to themselves, have real conversations with someone we can’t see and even get into arguments with the invisibles which i find fascinating. As long as they’re not violent ( using curse words, or throw stuff, etc) i really enjoy taking my time to observe them in a park or across the street from the outdoor cafe.
They’re talking to someone who is invisible to “us”, thus it’s often assumed they’re hallucinating. But most do not appear to be hallucinating, a term that is often confused with “Phantasmagoria”. Hallucination used to mean to “receive a vision through enlightenment”, as seers, or prophets, were told to have received, described in many latin texts, including the latin Bible.
What we now understand under the term “Hallucination” is in actuality Phantasmagoria, a symptom of a Psychosis, by which a person sees the image of a person, or other in front of him/her while the eyes are open – a dreamlike experience while “appearing” awake, but they’re not “awake” – they’re in a semi-conscious state by which two worlds – dream and awakedness – collide, thus basically “dreaming” while “seemingly” awake.
The ones who are fascinating to me to watch don’t suffer from psychosis, nor do they experience hallucinations; they use “imagination”. They have no one to talk to, to communicate with, but a lot to share, opine or to complain about, thus “imagine” a specific person in front of them to whom they speak.
Who else to talk to if there’s no one to talk to, but the desire to do so, if not an “imaginary” person. Homeless man X yells at his mother; he doesn’t see his mother in front of him, he just imagines talking to his mother, or whoever else he wants to talk to. Most often one observes them ranting – desperate to get “something: out; get rid of baggage – explain what long needed to be explained to someone we can’t see.
They can’t call, can’t reach the people they feel like talking to – some may already be dead but there were some unresolved issues, thus the homeless man, or eccentric, addresses the person while out in public, in a park or on a walk way, which looks nuts to us, at times.
But when taking into perspective that these people have nobody to speak to, are all alone, is it really that odd that they start talking out loud to “imaginary” persons ?
Goodness, how often i found myself regretting not having said something nasty to someone, something that only occurred to me after a confrontation took place and the person no longer in front of me. Or a witty line i should have responded with, and when suddenly it comes to me, i DO give that person the business or say the witty line OUT LOUD “imagining” i’m saying it to that person’s face and……. i feel better ‘cuz i did.
But i have real people to talk to, thus not in need to carry on half hour conversations with imaginary people. Still, is it really so different from talking or praying to Mother Mary, Jesus or Saints ? Is it nuttier to talk to a person one imagines, a person that exists somewhere, ist still alive perhaps, or recently passed away, than to talk to a “Saint”? Who can say with certainty that those who were addressed heard or didn’t hear the prayer or words ?
We’ve become so conditioned – it’s a loss of “freedom”; personal “freedom” of individuality. Not everyone feels free to talk to oneself or speak to an “imaginary” person, afraid people would think one is insane. We in the west grew up in a free world, or families in which freedom of thought, expression was encouraged, but not everyone was that privileged with many having grown up behind the curtain, or in families with intimidating parents, thus afraid to speak their mind.
We need to untie the uptight, otherwise they may develop a psychosis due to social anxiety and intimidations as well as psychological self-incarceration, finally escaping into a “dream world” where they can be free and experience …..phantasmagoria.
“Snickers, hmmm”, i said out loud in the market lurking at the candy shelf.
” i was just talking to myself, pondering aloud”, i explained to the man who turned around, wondering who i was talking to.
“As long as you don’t answer yourself”, he said with a semi-serious face.
“Oh “, i replied with a grin :” Snickers, …. good idea”.