Korifaeus Magazine

••• The Big Brother's, oops, i mean Apple's Gazette ••• A Sophisticated Periodical with Panache and a Sense of Humor

The dangerous Romans

Roman Novels

by Korifaeus

In many languages novels are called a “Roman”, or Romano, for example in the German language, the word for a novel, a fictional work of literature, is called a Roman, pronounced Ro-mahn.
Most often the word Roman is in German understood to mean a Love story and considering the Italian name for Italy’s capital is Roma it’s quite fitting,…well, when reading it backwards, that is, thus Amor, which is the Latin word for love.
Wouldn’t it be funny if the capital was actually called Amor, but because some people in the past read it backwards it turned into Roma ? There must be a reason why Rome is also called the city of love.

It is certain, not just probable, that many documents and historic papers were translated incorrectly, considering Italy is the land of the latin peoples. At first glance the word ” latin” is not visible in the word Italy, or ” Italia/Italien”. At second glance, after its been pointed out, one can see the word Latin quite clearly, though the letters are in the wrong place. Someone must have had dyslexia, and read from right to left.

For all we know the Romans were originally the Amor’ites, or the Amors, lovers or just lovely people writing lots of adventure stories – fictional tales, the way we do it today. And who knows, those stories may have been utterly misinterpreted and believed to have been the Roman’s account of what occurred in those days; even though they may have served only for entertainment.
Surely they had creative costumes, too, with metal breast plates actors of those days wore when performing in the arena, the circus Maximus. If there were any gladiators fighting lions, who knows. It could also have been a misinterpretation.
They probably had great cat acts, with trained lions and such, in circus Maximus, just as we have them in our circuses today.

Personally i can’t imagine that Romans actually wore those heavy metal breastplates the same way as it’s impossible for me to imagine that Knights of the middle ages, the way we’ve seen them in King Arthur and Robin Hood films, walked around wearing suits of metal. Those metal suits must have made tremendous noise. Strategic plans such as surprise attacks must have failed miserably in those days.

Guards standing atop the tower of Castles and fortresses, hearing metal clamor from miles and miles away coming toward the castle on horse back – and once again the attack on fortress Laughalot turned out to be a terrible failure.
They must have worn a shirt underneath those heavy metal suits, and some long underwear. And i sure hope they didn’t have to fight in the summer. A metal outfit, the way we know them from museums, pictures and films, must have become unbearably hot with the hot sun shining atop the metal. It must have literally burned on the skin.

It’s anything but imaginable that anyone could have actually worn these metal suits.
And what did the knights in shining armor wore underneath their suits in the winter ?Was the metal insulated with some fur ? Those knights must have been freezing all winter long.
It seems much more plausible that those metal outfits were actually used as dummies, placed next to entry doors on either side, so strangers would be under the impression the doors are guarded by Knights in armor.
And the Romans wrote magnificently imaginative adventure stories, novels and novellas and we believe their books are historical papers.

Well, well, lets see how the folks of the future will interpret our books and films. Should a future historian try to analyze our horror flicks, then our descendants will be horrified by the mere thought that such gruesome folks existed and that they’re the descendants of such troglodyte savage brutes. Not to mention the Dracula books and films.
I can easily imagine that a lonely Roman Poet or Scribe wished he was surrounded by beautiful *Slaves (*i.e., women from Slavic tribes), writing down his ” fantasies”.

Everything is possible in the land of imagination.
Even Knights in shining armor bathing in the sun:” Deliciously hot today, don’t you think Sir Gallahad ?”



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This entry was posted on April 8, 2012 by in Satire and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , .
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